I am scared and confused. Life seems so fragile after my dad passed away.
I quit my job last year to pursue a dream and I've been working towards fulfilling that dream since I left. I told myself I'm going to take the risk. The risk of being financially dependent on my parents and facing a whole lot of social stigma associated with doing something offbeat. Today, after losing my dad, I know I will not be able to pay my bills if something, God forbid, happens to mom. My interest lies in studying Vedic philosophy and communicating it through writing to others. Right now, I'm still learning, studying and understanding it. Far from being able to communicate it to anyone else. And I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. I'm doing what I love but my belief in it has been battered after losing my father.
Some nights I lie in bed wondering if I made the right decision by quitting my job in the first place. At other times, I think of all that is being presented to me as a challenge. Now it feels like I'm hanging by a very thin thread. A few hours ago, I was a 'send' button click away from sending my resume out for a job. But I decided against it. I don't want to make a rash decision.
I'm hanging on. Maybe this is a test of my conviction. Deep down, I know I can't give up on myself. Not now, not ever.