Overcoming Adversity

I've always wondered, what is it about overcoming adversity that catches our eye? Why is Lance Armstrong going to go down in history as one of the greatest cyclists of all time? Why will Sania Mirza be remembered as one of the greatest icons for women in India? What makes A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, the president of India, such a great man?

One of them has battled cancer to come back to become the Tour de France champion a record seven times in a row. The next has beaten the crippling, self-serving Indian sports administration, societal barriers and supposedly "religious" beliefs to become India's greatest women's tennis player (though she does have a long way to go to become a champion, but it's possible.) As for President Kalam, from a small town kid, he went on to become one of India's great scientists and most effective Presidents.

I love watching movies where ordinary men and women stand up, stare adversity in the eye and get the better of it. What joy to watch the underdog beat all odds to overcome the favourite. It's amazing isn't it?

To me, it's a message that we actually have it in us to do what we think we can't. Maybe that's why I relish being challenged. I love some situation coming up to me, knocking the wits out of me, standing back up and saying 'Is that all you got?'

It's that tenacious, never-say-die attitude that inspires me. Coz if it don't kill you, it only makes you stronger.

In the Fast Lane

The last couple of weeks have simply flown by. It's amazing how 'time' and its flow really depend on our experiences. I'm always reminded on those lines I studied from 'As You Like It' when I was in school 'Time travels in divers paces with
divers persons.'

Well, Time has certainly been galloping for me in the recent past. I've been busy with work and it's really been fun. In the midst of all this, I also applied for an MA in Ancient Indian Culture at Xavier's. I'm hoping it works out because I think I was a bit late applying for the program. Let's see how it goes.

This week is going to be a bit more relaxed. Which means I'll have more time to blog. Yay!

Final Touch

So my ex and me put the final touch to our break-up. I met her on Monday evening. She came over to meet my mom and me to pay her condolences and also because she and my dad were very close. She had become a part of the family. That's why the break-up was even harder when it happened.

She spent some time at home with mom and me and then we went for a long drive. I was wondering if she would get down to the serious stuff first so I waited for a bit. But it was me who had to get it started.

I told her I was sorry for the mistakes I made and that I never had any intention of hurting her. I had been true to the relationship till the very end. And then she said she was sorry too. But then she said something interesting. She said it wasn't my fault or her fault. 'We have changed', she said. We had changed so much that we would not be able to make each other happy. I accepted her point of view but I disagree fundamentally.

I don't think we can drop relationships just because the people involved change. Love is the basis of any relationship in my opinion and true love is unconditional. It stays for better or for worse. Your mother or father wont drop the relationship because you have changed. They learn to relate to you differently within the relationship.

Anyway, that's what happened. I told her I was grateful to God, her and her family for all the times we shared together and that I had grown as a result of the relationship. Which I really meant. I don't think she expected that. She even told me that the break-up had been easier than she expected it to be. She thought I would rant and moan when she told me. I didn't. That surprised her. And then she said she probably never completely understood me. Sometimes I wonder if that's a good thing or a bad thing. :-)

That's how it has ended. We've decided to be friends and I told her she could call me if she ever needed any help.

Strange how I've changed also. I used to think I shouldn't let myself go too easily. I should hold back a little, I thought. But I've learnt that if you do something, whether it's a relationship, a job or even cleaning shoes, give it everything you've got. Because if you don't, you are going to be the biggest loser.

Why?

I am disappointed and angry with the Government of India. How dare they blanket censor our blogs! If you're wondering why I haven't commented on your blog or updated mine, it's because some idiots sitting in the Government and the National Informatics Centre decided that blogs could create communal disharmony! That's the most ridiculous shit I've heard in my life. Agreed, there may be websites that churn out vicious stuff, but there are also those that promote peace and understanding. So why block out everybody? In fact, if there is a solution to terrorism, it's these selfish mo fo-ing politicians who try and divide people that should be sacked. So here's my solution Mo Fos! Why don't you quit your jobs in the legislature and let some people who actually know their asses from their elbows govern our country. Freaks!

Now that the frustration of not being able to blog has been vented let's move on to more interesting stuff. I'm happy to be back to Bloggerville. It's been a while. I haven't visited Godsleuth, RM, haathi, noojes and esprit's blogs for too long.

Work has been great these past couple of weeks. Its kept me on my toes and I've enjoyed it thoroughly. We did a program on Vedic philosophy for these young scholars going abroad for their Graduate education so that they know a little about our own Indian philisophy before going out there. It was fantastic.

I was in Delhi before that for another event that went off really well. So it was happy too :)

Besides that, my ex-girlfriend is in town for a break from her Phd program. I'm going to meet her this evening for the first time since she called it off over the phone. I'm pretty comfortable with it. Over it. And she's going to be a friend for life I hope. I suppose we're going to have to figure out how we're going to relate with each other going forward, if at all. Let's see how it unfolds.

I'm a little worried about my mom though. She has a difficult time going to sleep sometimes because her mind keeps going back to the day my dad passed away. The memories keep flashing in her mind. I know she will eventually cope but I'm hoping it's sooner than later. As for me, I'm OK talking about it. There are times when my mind flashes back too. But I truly belive what happened was the best for my father. He will be happier where he is. Of that I am confident.

I guess that's all for now. Will catch up on some other blogs now!

I am Jack's...

...insatiable spiritual thirst.

I watched Fight Club for the first time yesterday. (I know I'm like 7 years behind, sorry :) ) I was inspired to watch it after reading my fellow blogger's post, Esprit Noir. (Check his blog out when you have the time, great stuff.) So I called up the DVD guy close by and watched it last evening. It was mind-blowing shit. I now know why it was such a cult film. For those of you who've watched it, here's a quote from the movie I just love. For those who haven't watched it, please do. Here goes:

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off." - Tyler Durden

I'm fighting my war. Are you fighting yours?

My Buddies

I never got down to writing this earlier because so much has happened in the past month. I wouldn't have got through my dad's passing away without my friends. They were with me right from the hospital till late at night when we cremated him. I've known all of them from my school days at Campion which is 20 years now. Since I was five. And they stood by me when I could not have done without them. Every so often they'd come over and have a drink with my dad, talk about their careers or the women (or lack of them) in their lives. He was their friend and they were his friends. He always used to tell me how fortunate I am for having friends like I do. Not just that they're great friends but that we've stuck together for so long. We always have our disagreements. Cussing at each other and intensely personal revenge games on the PlayStation2. But we're always watching each other's backs.

I'll never forget how they helped carry my father's body to my place before the cremation and to the crematorium. Trust me, it's not easy.

Words are so insufficient sometimes. How do you tell people who have done so much for you just how grateful you are? I really don't know. But this post is my way of expressing my thanks. To whom? I don't know because they don't blog. Idiots :-)

No Turning Back

I've been thinking a lot about the way ahead for me. Yesterday's post was only a spilling out of what has been going on in my head for a while.

I can't turn back now. Quitting my job and pursuing philosophy and spirituality was a decision I made knowing I might come up against situations like this. I should have been better prepared for this probably. Anyway, this is what I want to do. And if it means compromising on lifestyle and what have you, so be it. I cannot make decisions based on fear and insecurity. That's a stupid way to live. The heart of the matter is that doing something other than this would be unfair to me. I'd be kidding myself if I thought a hefty pay package could compensate for missing out on something I love. No. I've got to put my fears behind, put my head down and work hard. The rest will sort itself out.

I'm making a pledge to myself today. That I will not compromise on my dreams. And that I will do whatever it takes to realise them.

To be or not to be, there is no question.

Slipping

I am scared and confused. Life seems so fragile after my dad passed away.

I quit my job last year to pursue a dream and I've been working towards fulfilling that dream since I left. I told myself I'm going to take the risk. The risk of being financially dependent on my parents and facing a whole lot of social stigma associated with doing something offbeat. Today, after losing my dad, I know I will not be able to pay my bills if something, God forbid, happens to mom. My interest lies in studying Vedic philosophy and communicating it through writing to others. Right now, I'm still learning, studying and understanding it. Far from being able to communicate it to anyone else. And I feel like I'm walking on thin ice. I'm doing what I love but my belief in it has been battered after losing my father.

Some nights I lie in bed wondering if I made the right decision by quitting my job in the first place. At other times, I think of all that is being presented to me as a challenge. Now it feels like I'm hanging by a very thin thread. A few hours ago, I was a 'send' button click away from sending my resume out for a job. But I decided against it. I don't want to make a rash decision.

I'm hanging on. Maybe this is a test of my conviction. Deep down, I know I can't give up on myself. Not now, not ever.

Football Therapy

I can't believe the World Cup is coming to an end. It's a World Cup I will never forget. Papa passed away on the day it began, 9th June 2006, my favourite team, Argentina, cruelly lost on penalties to Germany in the quarter-finals, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard missed penalties, and it's all coming to an end this Sunday.

I remember watching the first few matches when I was still dealing with my father's death. It was my escape. For those 90 minutes, my mind was free from everything I had to deal with. Just the ball and 22 players on the football pitch running all over the place. I forgot about 'me'. I lived in the moment, the now, the here and savoured every moment. It was a spiritual experience.

It's all coming to an end soon. The indiscipline, late nights, the lack of sleep and exercise, irregular meal times and yes, the football. Come 9th July, I'll switch back to India Standard Time. Waking up early as I always did, exercising regularly and learning to live life in a new context. I'm looking forward to it in a way. And yet I'm not. When will I see those flicks, step-overs and a goal like Esteban Cambiasso scored against Serbia and Montenegro again? Who knows. But it's been worth every moment. Watching the beautiful game.