I had one of those 'Ok, stop!' moments. You know when you're doing something or feeling something you shouldn't be and that little voice in your head that has been softly telling you how imbecilic you've been finally says it's had enough and screams 'Ok, stop!'? That's what happened to me.
I'm feeling so much better today. Woke up early, had a good workout at the gym, pushed myself to lift a little heavier, ran a little more than I usually would and it felt simply fabulous. I thought a lot about how I was feeling, the tiredness and everything and told myself I can not let these things pull me down.
Often we get so caught up in the now that we lose sight of the bigger picture. I was so obsessed with the bad things in my life that I lost sight of everything that is going well for me. It wasn't this particular episode that got to me but it was the last straw. Kind of like the last drop of the solution that creates the precipitate in a titration experiment. (Chemistry practicals, 12th grade, it scars you for life!). Whatever... Basically, it was a lot of stuff that ended with that email
I did mail my ex congratulating her and wishing her the best for the wedding. I really am happy for her. The hurt that I felt was because I was being selfish. If I really cared for her, I should have been able to share her joy instead of feeling bad. So I've decided try and put the 'me' thought aside for a bit and be happy for a friend. What we had was fantastic while it lasted, sadly, life had other plans for us. Does that mean we shouldn't move on with our lives and be miserable forever? Of course not. I'm glad she's taken the next step with her new relationship. Graduate student life in America can be pretty lonely and it's good she's found someone she can share her life with.
And me? I've moved on too. Dated a bit since we broke up and it's been fun. Haven't dated for a while though. Crap! And therefore, still single.