The Death of a Blog

Hello Folks,

It is the time to ring in some changes. I've been blogging here since June 2005 and it has been my faithful ally in the best and worst of times. I've had the chance to meet some wonderful people through here who have humored, inspired, entertained and mesmerised me with their writing.

I have shared some of my deepest thoughts here, some of my rants and a lot of general observations about life and its strange ways.

The time has come to move on. I wont be blogging actively from here on but I will continue to drop in on the numerous blogs I've had the good fortune of stumbling upon.

So here's where 'Ajeya' says goodbye to you. Will he ever return to the blogosphere? Possible. But definitely in a new avatar. I value the friends I've made through here and I wish all of you the very best in the years to come. Reading your blogs has definitely made my life richer.

Au Revoir!

Peace.

Observation

I was just coming up in the elevator with a nieghbour and I asked about her dog, Rani, a female. Turns out Rani's quite a handful and requires more attention than her more pedigreed friends. When I asked why, without batting an eyelid she replied by saying 'She's a female.'

Clouded

It's weird how things seem to be going just fine when, suddenly, something blows up in your face.

I was shocked last weekend by what I heard about someone close to me. It's about the person's past and it could have a huge impact on our relationship. I'm emotionally confused and drained right now.

Some of the questions that are lingering in my head...
...what would drive someone to behave like that?
...what if I have to deal with that kind of behaviour?
...how do I accept such dark truths about someone?
...how am I to feel about the person now?

I'm confused, dazed and shocked and right now I'm struggling to cope.

My mind has never been so clouded.

Just looking forward to the new old job in April.

Back Where I Belong

I didn't want to post about this earlier but I'm happy to say I'm moving back to a company I have worked with earlier. When I look back on my fledgling career, this is the one company I've been really proud to work for. Of course there have been moments of disappointment and disgust, but all in all, it's like going back home. Back to the wonderful friends I made, the cafeteria where a lot more than lunch and coffee happens (ahem ahem) and moments when you'll ask yourself "Is this really work?"

I remember there was this one project we worked on where each of us on the team wrote short scripts for a kid's program. Those brainstorming sessions were something else! They were ridiculous! :) Even thinking of them makes me smile.

At the same time, I'm aware that each company has its drawbacks. At someplaces you'll get loads of money but rather crappy work and at others, you'll get great work but not-so-great money. There's always a trade-off somewhere.

One of the little lessons life has taught me is to not expect too much out of it. Expectations, in my opinion, are bad, bad friends to have. They can really mess you up. When there are no expectations, you learn to to deal with the shit that gets thrown your way and enjoy the unexpected highs. Life becomes a roller-coaster you can enjoy rather than having to throw up midway through the ride. That's why I'm not expecting this job change to be all that I have dreamt of. It isn't. But it is a step in the right direction.

So come April, I will be back where I belong.

I Really Do Wish

Life has been moving at pace way to fast for me in the last month. Lots of family dinners celebrating the engagement and simply unreal work pressure. I haven't had too much time with myself. Alone, quiet moments in the evening by the sea at Cuffe Parade overlooking Nariman Point and Queen's Necklace. Watching the lights twinkle in distance. Listening to the voices of the ocean waves.

Instead, it's been a big flurry of activity. Most of it fun and some not-so-fun. The only time I usually get to spend with myself is on my long drive to and from work. Music has been my only solace.

Today's drive was sad though. Maybe it was my dream about my father. Having to say bye to him as he seemed to be floating away and there was nothing to do but stand and watch. It was a really sad dream. And while I was thinking of all this, Floyd came up on the mp3 player with 'Wish you were here'. It made me think of Papa even more and I sang to him...

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found?
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.

I really do wish