Memoirs of a Laid-back Rebel

What you're going to read is an excerpt from a rather nice book I'm reading called "Bombay to Eternity" by Uma Ranganathan. In my mind, this (although I haven't finished reading the book yet) is the best passage from the book....

"How trusting can one afford to be in life? you invariably ask yourself, surrounded as you are by a world full of suspicion and betrayal. Until another question occurs to you and that is: can one afford to live without trust in this world? Words, you might be saying to yourself as you read this. Nothing but semantics. So, let's get to the bottom of the whole business and see whom or what it is we are supposed to trust and why.

Today, when I look at it, I see that trust has to do with something much larger than yourself or anybody you know. Trust, at its deepest, is what you feel towards an intelligence infinitely superior to your own and which you sense is guiding you from some spot you can't quite pinpoint. It is what you feel for the nebulous presence from which you emerged and which is - and always will be - more to you than any living person on earth. You feel it for the simple reason that you are - we all are - finally, children of that nameless cloud.

The sad thing is you don't recognize it anymore. You've switched your allegiance, as you grew up, from that which was true and eternal to something that will fade with time.

Trust. You lose it. Your connection with your true parent and with yourself dwindles, you fall out of the hallowed state, your mind starts closing its doors. Before you know it, you are no longer God the Baby wanting to experience the human side. You've been pulled over across a kind of fence in the mind to become 'one of them'. A Hindu, a Christian, a Muslim or a Jain. A bus driver, engineer, doctor, social worker. Your trust is now reserved for those who look like you, talk like you, think like you. You're finished. It's a long way back to where you came from."

It left me with an awkward lump in my throat.

The Wild Side - Rediscovered

So much has happened in the past year that I don't even know where to begin (or end for that matter.) And the year isn't even over!

One of the things that has happened in the last two months has been a paradigm-shift (yes, I know I sound like those jargon-spouting fresh-out-of-b-school-grads but what the fuck), where was I? Yes, paradigm-shift, in the way I live my life. I've rediscovered my wild side and I haven't been happier EVER! I don't know how long this will last but I'm going to enjoy it as long as it does.

What do I mean by wild? Not drugs, alcohol, parties, sex... I could do with the last item on the list. (It's been a while *sigh*) I just do exactly as I feel. Irrespective of the consequences. I hate pretending to be grown-up, serious and mature. I've started living life with the enthusiasm of a 13-year-old. Why 13 you ask? I just remember life being a lot more fun when I was 13. It reminds me of the time I sprayed shaving foam all over the school walls after the last day of exams. And you know what I got for doing that? The award for best academic improvement!!! Hahaha... fucking hilarious. I'd never have given me that award. Honest to god. I must admit that it was flattering to receive an award for damaging school property but shit happens :)

Yeah, so I've gone back to the 13-year-old phase but with a much wider perspective. It's like the enthu of a 13-year-old coupled with Ajeya's experience as he stands today. It's fantastic! And it's not like good things have been happening all while. But life teaches you to just accept it as it comes.

One of the things that has really helped me is faith. Faith in God. Faith in the goodness of people. Without expecting anything back. And, of course, acceptance. It works like magic.

Dunno how to feel...

OK, I'm sort of confused. Let me explain...

So one of these women that I went out with over the past couple months is super fun, super crazy (like me!) and digs me even. Where's the hitch? She's sort of into another relationship, not yet going out, doesn't know where it's heading kinda thing. And did I mention I totally dig her too? Last Saturday, we were thisclose to kissing but stopped just short of it. So we spoke on Sunday and said we'd just go with the flow and see where it goes. But she kept saying she didn't want to lead me on. I don't even know if she's led me on, stuff has just... happened. My friends totally like her and I, to be honest to myself, really like her too.

Aside:
I don't even know if I should be writing about this on my blog since I've discovered there are many lurkers around these parts, whom I know. But I don't want to change the spirit of the blog. It's always been more writing to myself so I'm going to continue in the same vein...

Now yesterday, a close family friend has asked me to meet another woman to see if 'I might interested in a long-term relationship with her'. For those of you who arent' Indian, this is how arranged marriages work. There's massive social networking that goes on to get single, "marriagable" folk hooked up, to be married of course. So now, I'm supposed meet this new woman and figure out if I like her and want to eventually get married. Meeting people for a purpose sorta freaks me out. The purpose always seems to overshadow the people. You know what I'm saying? (for family members who lurk here... SHHHHHHH! IT'S AN ORDER! you know who you are! I will run away from home if you go about advertising it to ANYBODY! I promise you)

Anyhow, I don't know about this whole marriage thing. I don't want to brood over it too much but it's what's currently in my head so I'm spilling it out here. Basically, I really like the woman mentioned in the first part of this post. And I'm going to go with the flow. Do exactly what I feel the right thing to do is and see how it goes.

I love the confusion and unpredicatability of this whole thing. I have no idea what's going to happen. And deep down, I'm cool with anything.

The other day I was proposing the concept of surprise marriages to a friend. You know how you have surprise birthdays? Same thing! Except you see who you're marrying right at the wedding. Haha... What a trip! Imagine that! Going into your own wedding having no idea who you're going to marry. No prenups allowed! :)

Where Was I?

Before I get down to answering that question, I will be highly presumptious and apologise to fellow bloggers who have been coming here to check this space out. To those who haven't, well, you havent' missed much.

So much has happened in the last month...

• Work Life: I've retreated to the familiar waters of e-learning after a brief and a not-so-encouraging stint at an advertising agency. I'm terrible at copywriting! Just to put in perspective, I've moved from thinking of a usp of an agricultural micro-credit scheme for rural India to studying the female reproductive system. I don't think I need to explain my decision to return to e-learning further.
• Social Life: I've been having an absolute blast with my friends. As I've said earlier, this is a bunch of guys I've know for an average of 15 years ranging from a maximum of 21 to a minimum of 9. (Sorry about that, I studied Statistics in college a bit too seriously I think) So we've been doing our usual numbers, Mondy's on a weekend afternoon, gaming (FIFA 2007 on the PS2. Yes, we can't afford the ps3 just yet), warming our asses at the Sterling Barista discussing life, philosophy, sex, women, dating (or the lack of it), watching the English Premier League with great intensity (I almost broke my arm after Chelsea scored against Man U!). Oh and I've been on some great dates! Two really interesting women! One of them is already going out with someone, long-distance, I think. Don't know how things will turn out but I'm just rolling with it. Went sailing with one of them. It was awesome. My first time. Although I don't think the woman enjoyed it too much. Whatever. So basically the dating scene is sorta picking up.
• Football & Exercise: I've been regular with football but I really need to put in the miles for the Mumbai Marathon in Jan. And it doesn't help that my left butt cheek is bruised and hurting like crazy after taking a fall during Friday morning football. *sigh*

Hope you guys are all well, Alexys, RM, Haathi, Noojes, Esprit, Satandit. See you around!