Friday Evening

It's been a strange day.

I left home late because I got home late from work last night. Traffic was a bitch. Work, today, was annoying because, like yesterday, I had to wait for 4 hours for other people to finish their work before I could go on with mine. Traffic was a bigger bitch on the way home because the wimpy Chief Minister of Maharashtra's (equivalent to the Governor of a state in the US) son decided to get married. Then I stayed home instead of going out with my friends which I usually do. Now I'm writing this post at 11.16 p.m.

But I'm still feeling good.

How weird is that! I've been good this week somehow. Feeling less rushed. More in control.

Right now, I'm in this happy haze. Grateful for having a decent job (that still pisses me off every now and then). Having such wonderful people at work to hang out with. I really mean that. I don't have to pretend to be this corporate wanker. Instead, I can just be the wanker that I am. No politicking, no games.

Grateful for having these crazy friends outside work who I would trust my life with.

Grateful for all the special people who have been part of my life and gone on. Every one of them has touched my life in ways they will never know.

Grateful to my mother for being who she is. Tough, yet gentle.

And finally, grateful to that unknown force that keeps this crazy world going. Thank you.

I couldn't ask for anything more.

Wow

I just heard a couple of songs by Amy Winehouse (fine, I'm a late bloomer) and her music is awesome! Love is a Losing Game, Rehab and Tears Dry on Their Own are some of the songs I've listened to and they're so easy on the ears!

Soulful, mellow, soothing.

Some of the words that come to mind when I listen to her music. Great to unwind!

Questions

As a person who asks many questions, not necessarily to others, I've found that there's a whole bunch of categories as far as questions go. Here's my little classification:

1. I'd-rather-nots: Questions that you ask but don't really want an answer to.
Banal: You're looking at yourself in the mirror preening away when you realise you've put on a few kilos you could've done without. So you suck your tummy in and ask, "Have I put on weight?" *Sound of the wrong answer buzzer* I'd rather not know.
Not-so-banal: You've screwed up at home with your sibling/parent/spouse and you go, "What did I do?" *Sound of the wrong answer buzzer* You DON'T want to go down that road!

2. Answerables: These questions can be of four types, a) easy to answer and pleasant, b) easy to answer and unpleasant, c) not easy to answer and pleasant OR, d) the worst one of them all, not easy to answer AND unpleasant a.k.a. the double whammy.
Banal: So where are we going to dinner? Type a or c OR depending on who you're with, a type b!
Not-so-banal: Does s/he like me? I'd rate this as type c and a potentially type d question.

3. Unanswerables: I find these questions the most intriguing. They're the kind of questions that creep up on you when you're staring into nothingness at the airport terminal or sitting by the ocean watching the waves crash onto the rocks. Most often, there are no answers. There are no banal examples in my opinion so we'll do the examples a bit differently here.
Relatively less not-so-banal: You've just graduated from college with a degree in Philosophy. What do I do with my life now? How do I plan to spend the rest of my life constructively... or not? Making ends meet kind of stuff.
Relatively more not-so-banal: Is this how it was meant to be?

I don't know what it is about the unanswerables that catches my fancy. Maybe I'm not constructively occupied enough. I don't know. They can be real monsters. Consume you. Drive you to every nook and cranny of your little mind. They make you scan your experiences, scan others' experiences, observe yourself, observe others. Maybe more. But the answers just aren't there.

I find that most of life's BIG questions have no real concrete answers. What is the purpose of life? Is there a purpose? What is its meaning? Or why should there be any meaning to it? Why can't I go through life like a journey? Possibly a journey to nowhere in particular? Why should I be judged on what I have achieved? Why can't I go through life enjoying what I have instead of always looking for what I don't have?

There are no easy answers to these. I don't mean answers like "You're real purpose is to find your true Self." or "You must have a goal to give your life meaning." Things like that just don't cut ice with me anymore. Can you define this true Self? And what happens once I realise my goal? Does my life have no meaning beyond that? Or do I have to go looking for meaning at 54 once I have realised my goal? Give me a break.

You know what the fun part about the unanswerables is though? It's that every now and then life will give you these little glimpses of what you think is the answer until you meet another experience that smashes your conclusion until you reach a point where you say to yourself, "Alright, I may not find the answers, but I can keep seeking."

What do you think?
P.S. If you have categories to add, please do! :)

Inevitable

in·ev·i·ta·ble [in-ev-i-tuh-buhl]
–adjective
1.
unable to be avoided, evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: an inevitable conclusion.
2.
sure to occur, happen, or come; unalterable: The inevitable end of human life is death.
–noun
3. that which is unavoidable.

Yeah, for some inexplicable reason, that word is just stuck in my head!

Needless to say, the consequences are inevitable. ;)

Gifting Dilemma

My mum's birthday is in another couple of days and I have no idea what to get her.

She's one of those people who don't want anything in particular which makes it EXTRA hard to figure out a gift. She's not into flowers. No perfumes. None of the usual women gifts! Sorry to stereotype!! :) But you know what I mean.

I'll take her out to dinner for sure. She loves Thai food so atleast that makes things easier.

Now to buy a gift.

Running out of idea's... and time!!!