On a Sinking Ship?

I work at an office where we create educational programs delivered through the Internet. It's not a bad place, nice people, reasonably interesting job but the question I ask myself is 'Am I doing what I really want to do?'

Two of my closest friends at work are leaving today. One for medical reasons, and another to pursue her dream of travelling around the world. It's not just them, it's a bunch of others who are leaving too. Most to go to other companies who do the same thing but some to live their dreams. And it is these people I'm happy for, but half envious of.

I want to live my dreams too. I want to be able to wake up every morning and feel that spring in my step. Be ready for the challenges of the day. But the only thing standing between me and my dreams is, strangely, me.

These are days when I feel I'm travelling on a sinking ship.

Unwind

Boy! It's been a while since I've come here. Been thinking about a new post for a while but haven't got down to it. Anyway, the weekend is here. It's time to unwind. Going to lunch with the family to this fancy Chinese restaurant.

Things have been good over the past month or so. I did a training program at work, did well on my assignments, got a good review from my clients, and generally things have been looking up. Work has been challenging at times in the past month. But then what's life without a challenge? The most important change in the last couple of months has been that I'm feeling more comfortable with myself. I feel like I've been making the "right" choices more often than not. And it makes me happy. I've been living life the way I'd like it to be. On my terms.

What has changed? I've started giving my everything to my work. Not in a workaholic kind of way, but in a good, healthy way. I go to office early, give my 100%, and come home satisfied. I make my mistakes, but I look at it as a way of learning.

I'm still wary of the corporate world. Not scared, but cynical about the true happiness derived from the job or more correctly, the value addition to my life as a result of the job. How is it helping me to move towards what I want from life? Where's the meaning in all of it? I'm still trying to find answers.