A Moment of Magic

(Written on 28 September, 2006)

Today happened to be the first time that my professor had a paper published in an international journal. He was on cloud nine. (publishing papers in renowned journals for post-doctoral professors is a big deal.) He is so much in love with the subject that his passion comes through in every lecture. I absolutely love his class.

Somewhere during a discussion, we drifted into Vedic culture and the way Indian society is today. And we touched on the subject of 'value for education'. Education is everything for the Indian parent. They will go through any amount of hardship to make sure their children get the best. So while discussing this, my professor slowly opened his heart out about his journey into Ancient Indian Culture, the difficulties his family faced when he decided to take up something that did not have "scope" (translated as 'potential to earn money') and about times of immense poverty.

He spoke of a time when he was 15 (about 20 years ago) and wanted a book that was quite expensive. A book on ancient Indian history by a well-known author for a princely sum of 500 rupees, which was a fair bit at the time. His father had called him to go to a book exhibition where it would be available. On reaching there, he told his father about his desire to buy the book, not sure whether he would be able to buy it for him. Before getting the book for him, his father only asked him if he would make the best use of it. On getting his assurance, my professor's dad told him to take the book. When my professor asked him how he would pay for it, he told him not to worry about it. While he walked away with the book, he looked back to see his father borrowing sums as small as 50 rupees (a little over $1 today) from colleagues to buy the book promising he would he would return the money to them the following month. And today, when he told his parents about his paper being published in the international journal, they told him the efforts were all worth it.

After telling us this, he simply broke down. It is, by far, one of the most magical moments of my life. I can't describe the atmosphere in the classroom. It was charged. One of those times, when you can hear a pin drop and yet there is so much being said, when you look up at the sky and shut your eyes for a few seconds to acknowledge that supreme Power who blesses all of us.

We ended class on that wonderful high.

I didn't feel like speaking to anyone for a while after that. I just wanted to stay with the moment for as long as I could. I walked around aimlessly for a bit, found my way to the bus stop and the bus ride home is a blur.

I'm sure this pathetic attempt at describing what happened in that classroom does not capture even 10% of the moment. But I hope you understand where it's coming from.

In Awe

Haathi posted this amazing link on her blog a couple of days ago. So I checked it out and the thoughts from it have just captured my mind since then. I've forgotten how many times I've watched the video and I strongly recommend you see it for yourself.

Over and over, I am reminded of the power the human spirit. You see it everywhere. You read about it every other day in the newspapers, watch it on the news and hear about it on the Internet. But it's not just in them.

It's in my cook who goes always goes the extra mile to see that she makes the food to our liking. It's in the lady who cleans the dishes. Over the 10 years that she has worked with us, not once have I ever found a dirty speck on our utensils and cutlery. It's in the beggar girl who will share her only packet of biscuits with the stray dog sitting beside her. Heck, it's in every one of us.

In fact, it's not even human spirit. It's Divine Spirit. It's everywhere. And it is awe-inspiring. You wont have to go too far searching for it. You'll see it when you look in the mirror.

Thanks Haathi!

Sunrise & Sunset Chaser

One of the best moments of any day for me is watching the sunrise or the sunset and seeing the array of colours on God's canvass. I read a beautiful article written by someone who shares my love for sunrises and sunsets called 'When Heaven and Earth Kiss'.

If you love 'em too, do read! Here it is

It's Been A While...

...since I've come here. Dunno why, but I haven't felt like blogging this past week or so.

My classes have been going alright. There are a couple of courses I don't like too much and there are others where I am transported to the banks of the River Indus and feel like I am walking on the paved streets of Harappa. (I'm studying Ancient Indian Culture.)

It's amazing what a teacher can do to mould your views about a course. S/He can make a terribly dry subject come alive while another could make every minute in class feel like eternity. It's one thing to have passion and dedication for what you teach but I also feel it's important to understand where your students are coming from. That's why brilliant professors don't always make the best teachers.

Nevertheless, going back to school has been a nice experience. There are a grand total of four students in class! Not surprising for an "unmarketable" degree like a Master's in Ancient Indian Culture.

Academics apart, one of the biggest changes that is happening in my mind. I've been re-examining my philosophy and approach to life. Some of it is encapsulated in my previous post and then there is some more. More about it in another post.

I have a bunch of your blogs to catch up on! :)

It Ain't A Party, But What the Heck

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance.

Ok, Stop!

I had one of those 'Ok, stop!' moments. You know when you're doing something or feeling something you shouldn't be and that little voice in your head that has been softly telling you how imbecilic you've been finally says it's had enough and screams 'Ok, stop!'? That's what happened to me.

I'm feeling so much better today. Woke up early, had a good workout at the gym, pushed myself to lift a little heavier, ran a little more than I usually would and it felt simply fabulous. I thought a lot about how I was feeling, the tiredness and everything and told myself I can not let these things pull me down.

Often we get so caught up in the now that we lose sight of the bigger picture. I was so obsessed with the bad things in my life that I lost sight of everything that is going well for me. It wasn't this particular episode that got to me but it was the last straw. Kind of like the last drop of the solution that creates the precipitate in a titration experiment. (Chemistry practicals, 12th grade, it scars you for life!). Whatever... Basically, it was a lot of stuff that ended with that email

I did mail my ex congratulating her and wishing her the best for the wedding. I really am happy for her. The hurt that I felt was because I was being selfish. If I really cared for her, I should have been able to share her joy instead of feeling bad. So I've decided try and put the 'me' thought aside for a bit and be happy for a friend. What we had was fantastic while it lasted, sadly, life had other plans for us. Does that mean we shouldn't move on with our lives and be miserable forever? Of course not. I'm glad she's taken the next step with her new relationship. Graduate student life in America can be pretty lonely and it's good she's found someone she can share her life with.

And me? I've moved on too. Dated a bit since we broke up and it's been fun. Haven't dated for a while though. Crap! And therefore, still single.

Whoa!

I got an e-mail on Saturday morning from my ex-girlfriend telling me she's getting married 'soon'. I was taken completely by surprise. It was a bolt from the blue. She's marrying the same guy she told me she was 'attracted' to before we broke up. There were so many emotions flooding my mind when I first read it, shock, wonder, hurt... I don't know what else. I was caught off guard and it just felt numbing. I felt like a zombie for a couple of hours after that.

For the first time in my life, I felt tired. Tired of what life was throwing at me. The last year has been a real test for me. I thought I did OK with what I had faced earlier. But on Saturday, I was drained. Sometimes the shit gets too much to deal with. It's just that what happened earlier has taken so much out of me that this one felt like the knockout blow.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself at all. I know everyone has their troubles. But it's just that I've run out of a little steam right now. It's the kind of moment when you're on the mat in the boxing ring with the referee counting upto 10 and you're trying desperately to get back on your feet.

I'm pooped. Yet, I know I'll be back stronger.

Consciousness Is All There Is

If you've been visitng here for a while, you must've figured out that I am interested in spirituality and, in general, the search for meaning in life.

Earlier this morning, I went to an interesting talk by Advaita master, Ramesh Balsekar. It was my first time there and another person (who also visiting for the first time) were given seats right in front of him. He spoke of many spiritual concepts during the talk which I could appreciate but there was one in particular that I found difficult to digest.

He says everything that happens is the will of God and that everything is predetermined. To someone like me, who has been brought up shunning ideas of 'luck' and the such, it was slightly unsettling. I've always been taught that you have to work for achieving what you want. Agreed, the achievement of the goal may not be in our hands, but should we not give our very best in something we have chosen to do? If everything was God's will, why would I do anything? I might as well sit back and do nothing because God will do it anyway. And what about the law of karma? Are we not the resultant of all our actions, emotions and thoughts from this moment backward?

I'm not rejecting what I heard. But I'm trying to understand if what he said makes sense to me. I'm trying to find reasons for him saying what he did. Maybe it's just another approach to spirituality. Honestly, I don't know. I'm still trying to figure it out.

Any ideas?

In the Company of Stoners

It's strange that almost all of my friends are stoners. And I'm not talking about the odd joint every other weekend. We're talking about 3-joints-a-day people.

There would often be times when everyone around me would be stoned and smiling for no particular reason and I'd be completely comfortable there. I can't tell you the number of times I've been hot-boxed. (If you don't know what hot-boxing is or have never experienced it, trust me, you aren't missing out on anything) My friends say I was passively stoned but I really don't know what it feels like mainly because I've never tried the stuff.

I have to say though that some people make the most intelligent conversation when they're slightly stoned. I don't know what it is that drives people to do it. Maybe it's the high or just the escape from the world. A journey into your own world. They seem to have a sense of idealism. And maybe that's what I like about them. I like being with people who have some deeper philosophy that guides them or people who even question the system. I guess for some people, dealing with the world the way it is gets too much for them. Hence the escape through weed or marijuana or whatever it is that they roll into those papers.

Honestly, I have had my weak moments when I've felt like trying it. I don't know though... I don't fancy artifical stimulants for a high. Certainly not smoking weed or marijuana. I prefer a good run or a workout at the gym. But I think I'm a stoner at heart.

Did you know...

... 'Khan' is an accepted word on Text Twist?!?! Daggit!

By the way, the game kicks ass!

A Room with a View

That's how the world looks from my window. In the centre is the Rajabai clock tower and on its right (or is it left? Crap! I have serious issues with 'left' and 'right'. People tell me it's because I'm a southpaw. Doesn't matter, I still drive hell into the Mumbai cab drivers :) ) is the Bombay Stock Exchange. The sun rises from behind the tower in the mornings and I can't tell you how beautiful the sky looks in its morning glory. Splashed with all shades of blue, purple, yellow and orange. The simple joys of life :)

A Friend's Loss

One of my closest friends lost his grandmother on Friday morning. It was the irony of ironies. Friday, September 1 2006 was also his birthday. When his mother called from his grandmother's house, he thought it was going to be his grandmother calling to wish him. Instead, he heard his mother sobbing and telling him of his grandmother's passing.

It was only when I texted him asking how his day was going that he told me what had happened. I dropped my work and went to his place. It took me an hour to get there since he lives a little far away from where I am. When I got there, it was a familiar sight. Many people looking out the window, staring into nothingness, the empty look with eyes set on the floor. I helped in whatever way possible. Doing the odd jobs etc. But I was most happy I could be there for him. He was there when my father passed away and was one of the friends who helped carry my dad's body during the last rites. Having people close to you around when the world seems to be slipping from under your feet makes a big difference. They may not fully understand your pain or your loss. But their presence does take away a little pain. I hope and pray for his grandmother, his mother whose has felt her mother's loss the most and the rest of his family.

On life's journey, there are no guarantees. Adi Shankaracharya, one of the great spirtual masters of India, said in his great work, the Bhaja Govindam, 'As water on a lotus leaf is very unstable, life is extremely unsteady.' You never know when the drop will go back to the pond.

The Break-Up

Caution: If you haven't watched the movie 'The Break-Up' *ing Vince Vaughn & Jennifer Aniston and are planning to watch it, stop reading this post now.

I watched 'The Break-Up' last evening and quite liked it. It's different from the usual romantic comedy. More real than most.

It's about this couple, Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston, who live together and how their relationship breaks down. Vince is this typical guy, untidy, comes back from work and watches TV while Jeniffer is the one who handles a job, manages the house and cleans up after him. Things spiral out of control one evening when their families go to their place for dinner. Vince screws up by not getting what Jeniffer asked for and one thing leads to another. Jeniffer breaks up in the hope that Vince will come around. Instead, both of them take a hard stand and refuse to budge. A lot of things happen until Vince realises he is also to blame for the situation. He comes out of his shell, tells Jen how much she means to him and apologises for screwing up and not appreciating her. But it's too late. Jen decides she's had enough and the two go their own ways. That is how it ends.

I identified with the movie a lot. Having been in a relationship for over five years and broken-up, I know what a big break-up feels like. There are many things that I learnt from the movie but I'll just touch on a few points.

First, I realised how selfishness and looking at everything from the 'my' perspective can reduce all your good qualities to nothing. For whatever good qualities I had when I was going out, I screwed up by taking a hard stand. And by the time I realised, it was too late. I didn't appreciate how much she did for me and even when I did, I probably didn't express it well enough. I was too self-involved and in the process lost someone that meant a whole lot to me. And it all came out of my fear. My fear of being taken for granted. I was so scared it would happen that I didn't give even what I should have, forget going beyond that. I never want to make the same mistake again.

The second thing that strikes me is that in most relationships where there are problems, both people are equally responsible for a break-up. In our eagerness to point out the other person's follies, we forget all that we do wrong. Introspecting is a difficult thing but it always helps to ask yourself 'Could I have done anything to make things better?'. More likely than not, the answer is 'yes'. I can definitely say that I could have and should have done better.

The last point that strikes me is a theme I have read about on many of the blogs I visit, that relationships come to an end some time or another. That every thing and every person has its/his/her time in our lives. And sometimes, you can do nothing but watch while the person walks out of your life. I experienced this first when my girlfriend and me broke-up and again when my father passed away. Like I said before, I could've changed things around in the first case but in the second, there was just nothing I could do. We tend to feel life has given us a raw deal but it is never so. What would life have been if I hadn't met my ex-girlfriend at all? How would life have been if I hadn't had the chance to spend wonderful years of my life with my father? It would certainly have been poorer. Both experiences strengthened my faith in that Higher Power that ordains the laws of life. Losing a relationship is never easy. But with faith, the pain becomes softer and the experience, one you can learn from.

How do you...

...tell someone just how much you love her/him?

...tell an old school-teacher the impact s/he has made on your life?

...express your gratitude to God for everything you have been blessed with when there is just so much that you have?

...watch when someone you care for is making a bad decision and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it?

...describe what you feel when you see the colours of the morning sky as the sun rises?

...tell someone what it feels like to lose someone you love immensely?

...explain what a great book/movie does to you?

Actions and words are so pathetic at times. Because our deepest emotions and thoughts can never be acted out or expressed. They can only be felt by another heart.

I'm reminded of this scene from Jerry McGuire where Jerry (Tom Cruise) is pissed off with Rod Tidwell (Cuba Gooding Jr.) for not playing well enough after an American football game. He calls Tidwell a 'paycheck' player with no heart. and this is what Tidwell says in response. I'm not sure you'll get the drift if you haven't watched the movie, but I'm hoping you have...

Tidwell:
"(Repeating what Jerry has said) No heart. (Beginning to yell) No heart??!?! (Pause) I'm all heart motherfucker!" (Storms into the team bus)

What a moment! See what I mean? I'll never be able to explain to you what that one line does to me. But if you've watched it, you just might know what I'm talking about. Just might.

The Party's at My Place Tonight

Mom's out of town, it's Friday night and it's time to unwind. IInd edition of the 'rave' (as my friends like to call it) at Ajeya's. Last Saturday was awesome. We had a some great cocktails made by a friend who went to this cocktail-making workshop, played 'Taboo', listened to good music and had fun people over. Some of the gang stayed over while the others went back to their respective homes. The Taboo was out of control. Fully competitive and, with most people being a few drinks down, elicited some interesting responses. :-D

Today's going to be bigger, better, badder! muahahahahahaha...

More people, more fun! You're invited! :)

A little joke to end with... The Ed Zachary Disease
A woman was very distraught over the fact that she had not had a date or any sex for over 5 years. She was afraid she might have something wrong with her so she decided to seek the medical expertise of the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said, "OK, take off all your crose." The woman did as she was told to. "Now, get down and craw reery, reery fass to odder side of room." Again, the woman did as she was instructed. Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me." As she did, Dr. Chang shook his head slowly. "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates. The woman asked anxiously, "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" Dr. Chang sighed deeply and replied, "Ed Zachary Disease is when your face look Ed Zachary like your ass."

:-D Have a great weekend! And don't forget your party hat ;)

Turning 59

Yes, the Republic of India officially turns 59 tomorrow. We celebrate our freedom from the oppressive rule of the British who plundered our country for nearly three centuries. Yes, they gave us a lot but they took away much more.

As we look back at these 59 years, we can take pride in what we have achieved in the short time we have enjoyed our independence. Yet, there is a long, hard path ahead. And the magnanimity of the task is so enormous that there are times when I, as a citizen of the country, feel so helpless. Helpless about the bad roads, the rude bastard who sits across the counter at the government-owned telephone company telling me that I should have clipped the cheque instead of stapling it and throwing my payment back at my face, the corrupt politicians who milk the government of my hard-earned money to buy cars they don't need and homes they will never live in... beyond helpless, frustrated, pissed off that I have wait in line for everything, from getting admission in hospital for an emergency case to getting admission to kindergarden. Yet, there is much that I owe to the country.

The fact that I can type this, use the Internet, have access to water, sanitation, electricity, the best education the country has, a roof over my head, a safe place to go to after work, a safe place to work at... is glaring proof that I have received more than at least 800 million Indians. I have got the best that country has to offer. Yes, it may not be what I would ideally want but it's still the best. And with all I've got, if all I can think of is buying a bigger apartment, a fancier car and a megapixel camera cellphone, I'm probably doing myself the greatest disservice. Giving up my chance to give back to the country. There's nothing wrong with having my playthings. But it can't be the be-all and end-all of my life.

As a citizen who has received the best, it is a duty to give back my best. I have a responsibility to the nation. To give back. And I'm not talking about writing out a cheque. I'm talking about committing time and effort to do something about a cause that is close to my heart. If Mahatma Gandhi's dream could give us Independence, then what can't you and I achieve working together? On this Independence Day, August 15, 2006, I pledge that I will do whatever I can to do my bit for the country. I may not have the money to mobilise a huge movement, but I have ideas, dreams and some talent somewhere in me. It may not be a lot, but that's all I've got right now. And, for now, it is what I will give.

One quote that always inspires me is this one by Nehru, our first Prime Minister...

"A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to the new, when an age ends and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance."

Happy Independence Day India!

Nature's Child

I'm a big nature lover. Not in the conventional sense. I don't know much about nature in terms of specifics but I love being outdoors, looking at the sky, the hills, the rain, the trees, grass (the real stuff!), birds, wildlife, the ocean... all of it. I'm reading this book on Sufism and I found this amazing letter believed to be written by Chief Seattle, one of the last spokesmen of the Native Americans, to the then President of the United States, George Washington who wanted to buy their tribal land. It's kind of long but if you have patience, I'm sure you will be touched. Here goes...

The President in Washington sends word that he wishes to buy our land. But how can buy or sell the sky? The land? The idea is strange to us. If we do not own the freshness of the air and the sparkle of the water, how can you buy them?

Every part of this earth is sacred to my people. Every shining pine needle, every sandy shore, every mist in the dark woods, every meadow, every humming insect. All are holy in the memory and experience of my people.

We know the sap which courses through the trees as we know the blood that courses through our veins. We are part of the earth and it is part of us. The perfumed flowers are our sisters. The bear, the deer, the great eagle, these are our brothers. The rocky crests, the juices in the meadow, the body beat of the pony, and man all belong to the same family.

The shining water that moves in the streams and rivers is not just water, but the blood of our ancestors. If we sell you our land, you must remeber that it is sacred. Each ghostly reflection in the clear waters of the lakes tells of events and memories in the life of my people. The water's murmur is the voice of my father's father.

The rivers are our brothers. They quench our thirst. They carry our canoes and feed our children. So you must give to the rivers the kindness you would give to any brother.

If we sell you our land, remember that the air is precious to us, that the air shares its spirit with all the life it supports. The wind that gave our grandfather his first breath also recieves his last sigh. The wind also gives our children the spirit of life. So if we sell you our land, you must keep it apart and sacred, as a place where man can go and taste the wind that is sweetened by the meadow flowers.

Will you teach your children what we have taught our children? That the earth is our mother? What befalls the earth befalls all the sons of earth.

This we know: the earth does not belong to man, man belongs to the earth. All things are connected like the blood that unites us all. Man did not weave the web of life, he is merely a strand in it. Whatever he does to the web, he does to himself.

One thing we know: our god is also your god. The earth is precious to him and to harm the earth is to heap contempt on its creator.

Your destiny is a mystery to us. What will happen when the buffalo are slaughtered? The wild horses tamed? What will happen when the secret corners of the forest are heavy with the scent of many men and the view of the ripe hills is blotted by talking wires? Where will the thicket be? Gone! Where will the eagle be? Gone! And what is it to say goodbye to the swift ppony and the hunt? The end of living and the beginning of survival.

When the last Red man has vanished with his wilderness and his memory is only athe shadow of a cloud moving across the prairie, will the shores and forests still be there? Will there be any spirit of my people left?

We love this earth as a new-born loves its mother's heartbeat. So, if we sell you our land, love it as we have loved it. Care for it as we have cared for it. Hold in your mind the memory of the land as it is when oyu receive it. Preserve the land for all children and love it, as God loves us all.

As we are part of the land, you too are part of the land. This earth is precious to us. IT is also precious to you. One thing we know: there is only one God. No man, be he Red or White Man can be apart. We are brothers after all.

-End-

I have yet to read something in which man speaks more respectuflly and lovingly of Mother Nature. And we should all be grateful for being one of Nature's children.

My Time

My favourite time of the day is the early morning. I love waking up after a good night's sleep around 5 am. I usually spend the first hour reading and reflecting. Reading something inspiring, drawing a lesson from it and finally, figuring out how I can integrate the learning into my everyday life.

It's a time I cherish. Being with myself. Free from the beeping cell phone, the pop-ups of the Internet, the doorbells... everything. Somedays I wont even read anything. If I catch an inspiring thought going through my head, I try and just stay with it.

The early morning rejuvenates me. It equips me to face the day ahead. And when it's followed up with a good game of football or a refreshing workout at the gym, I feel like I can walk on water. I'm two steps ahead. Of me.

Of course all this means I'm asleep by 10 pm. It feels like a sacrifice sometimes when I'm missing going to the movies with friends. But when I'm up the next morning, I usually feel like I made the right decision.

There's always the weekends when I let go a little. A good drink at Ghetto, a night out dancing. the late night movie on Saturday night or just coffee with the gang.

As someone once said, 'eternal vigilance is the price of liberty'.

My friend's make fun of me sometimes. But it's all good. I think we respect each other's lifestyles. I don't think the way I live life is the way other people should. It makes me happy and therefore I do it. If waking up late works for someone else, that should be cool. What's most important is that each one finds his or her space and pace.

Keep On Keeping On

What is it that motivates me to get out of bed every morning? I'm not entirely sure. But one of the things that keeps me going is this a question I try and ask myself every morning. And that is 'Am I a little better than I was yesterday?'

It's the one question that has always helped me change, remain open to new ideas and thoughts and improve as a person. I've heard all this talk about Kaizen and continuous process improvement in manufacturing but how about some Kiazen for our souls? Don't we need continuous process improvement at every level.

At the physical level, I'd like to be fitter with each passing day. Emotionally, I'd like to stop judging and accepting more people as they are. Intellectually, I'd like to be a learner for life. Spiritually, I'd like to overcome my ego.

Some days I do real good, some are OK and some are downright crappy. You know the type when you're lying in the bed, looking up at the ceiling and thinking 'What was I thinking?!?!'

But it's part of the process I think. The important thing is to keep on keeping on.

What motivates you to get out of bed every morning?

Overcoming Adversity

I've always wondered, what is it about overcoming adversity that catches our eye? Why is Lance Armstrong going to go down in history as one of the greatest cyclists of all time? Why will Sania Mirza be remembered as one of the greatest icons for women in India? What makes A.P.J. Abdul Kalam, the president of India, such a great man?

One of them has battled cancer to come back to become the Tour de France champion a record seven times in a row. The next has beaten the crippling, self-serving Indian sports administration, societal barriers and supposedly "religious" beliefs to become India's greatest women's tennis player (though she does have a long way to go to become a champion, but it's possible.) As for President Kalam, from a small town kid, he went on to become one of India's great scientists and most effective Presidents.

I love watching movies where ordinary men and women stand up, stare adversity in the eye and get the better of it. What joy to watch the underdog beat all odds to overcome the favourite. It's amazing isn't it?

To me, it's a message that we actually have it in us to do what we think we can't. Maybe that's why I relish being challenged. I love some situation coming up to me, knocking the wits out of me, standing back up and saying 'Is that all you got?'

It's that tenacious, never-say-die attitude that inspires me. Coz if it don't kill you, it only makes you stronger.