Moving On...

I'm moving on now. It's been a busy week with lots of work happening so I've had little time to feel sorry for myself. Actually, I'm not anymore. It's still hard to not stay in touch with my ex-girlfriend but I'm kind of managing. Going to my grandfather's birthday lunch. He just turned 78 (I think!) and he's doing pretty good for a 78-year-old. Getting a bit cranky but he's alright. Swell guy. Yeah so that's the plan for today. A birthday lunch and maybe I'll start reading a new book today. A friend of mine recommended Sophie's World so I'm going to check it out.

Rest is good. Nothing earth-shattering happening right now. I think I've had my earth-shattering moment for the year :) Yeah, anyway, got to run now. Maybe I'll catch up on some other blogs. Peace.

And that is how the cookie crumbles

Yeah, it finally happened. We broke up after more than five years together. It's a strange feeling of emptiness, hurt and god knows what. I think the most difficult part for me has been that I have not understood the reason for us breaking up. I believed that we could work it out right till the end but I guess it takes two hands to clap. I have no regrets whatsoever. I have been fortunate to enjoy a beautiful relationship that lasted this long. My girlfriend and me shared some wonderful highs and some awful lows but it has all been worth it. It's over now. She's decided to go her own way to pursue her dreams and I to pursue mine. It's a sad feeling but I believe it will work out for the best. The time has come to move on. Our five-year old relationship is over. And that is how the cookie crumbles.

Almost dumped

Yeah, that's what's happened in my life. I've almost been dumped by my girlfriend. I see it coming in the next week. She's going to call me and tell me 'Ajeya, I don't think I can do this anymore.' or something like that.

We've been going out for more than 5 years now. I don't know how life is going to be after this. It's just that you get used to being with a certain person. I'm going to have to let go of all the memories and all the baggage that I've accumulated witht this relationship. Don't get me wrong. I'm really sad. But I guess life has to move on. She's doing her PhD at a university in the U.S. while I'm here in India getting something started on my own. (I quit my job, last week, yeah, feels good!) I always thought it was going to last and be a long-term thing but I guess life has a funny way. It's going to be difficult, the next few weeks, but I'm going to hang in there, keep my chin up, and do what I have to do.

Like Patty Smyth sang, sometimes love just ain't enough. Cheers Patty! I know how it feels.

On a Sinking Ship?

I work at an office where we create educational programs delivered through the Internet. It's not a bad place, nice people, reasonably interesting job but the question I ask myself is 'Am I doing what I really want to do?'

Two of my closest friends at work are leaving today. One for medical reasons, and another to pursue her dream of travelling around the world. It's not just them, it's a bunch of others who are leaving too. Most to go to other companies who do the same thing but some to live their dreams. And it is these people I'm happy for, but half envious of.

I want to live my dreams too. I want to be able to wake up every morning and feel that spring in my step. Be ready for the challenges of the day. But the only thing standing between me and my dreams is, strangely, me.

These are days when I feel I'm travelling on a sinking ship.

Unwind

Boy! It's been a while since I've come here. Been thinking about a new post for a while but haven't got down to it. Anyway, the weekend is here. It's time to unwind. Going to lunch with the family to this fancy Chinese restaurant.

Things have been good over the past month or so. I did a training program at work, did well on my assignments, got a good review from my clients, and generally things have been looking up. Work has been challenging at times in the past month. But then what's life without a challenge? The most important change in the last couple of months has been that I'm feeling more comfortable with myself. I feel like I've been making the "right" choices more often than not. And it makes me happy. I've been living life the way I'd like it to be. On my terms.

What has changed? I've started giving my everything to my work. Not in a workaholic kind of way, but in a good, healthy way. I go to office early, give my 100%, and come home satisfied. I make my mistakes, but I look at it as a way of learning.

I'm still wary of the corporate world. Not scared, but cynical about the true happiness derived from the job or more correctly, the value addition to my life as a result of the job. How is it helping me to move towards what I want from life? Where's the meaning in all of it? I'm still trying to find answers.

Feels Good!

It's Sunday morning here in Mumbai. The weather's a bit muggy. But it's nice. I feel good. The restlessness about my job is gone. I've ironed out a few issues with myself and I am really looking forward to Monday morning at work. I'm really lucky to have found a job I love. I've got more than I could ask for and I am committed to excelling at what I do.

Incidentally, this year is Lance Armstrong's last year on the cycling circuit. He is my idol and one of the greatest characters I have read about in my life. This will be his seventh attempt at winning the Tour de France (one of the world's most gruelling bicycle races). In true Armstrong spirit, I do believe he will win this year too. Here is a man who battled cancer, its awful remedial therapy, chaemotherapy, and his own mind to come back and win the Tour de France a world-record six times. I doff my hat to the man. It is because of people like him that I believe in the strength of human character, the true potential and good in humanity. Because somewhere, hidden inside is the Lance Armstrong in every one of us. And I am not willing to let go before I find it in me.

Check out this page to know more about the great man.

India news... the good news!

India news... the good news!

The Rat Race

While driving to work this morning (and this is around 8am, pretty early around where I live), I noticed how everyone was desperately trying to get ahead of the other. Following the herd, I started driving like that too. Trying to get ahead, edging people out, only to realize that I was losing my peace of mind. I let myself feel threatened by anyone who would try to get in my way and got stressed out about staying ahead. And then I asked myself 'Why?' Why am I getting stressed out about all this? What's the big deal if I get to work 5 minutes later than I would if I drove like an idiot? I had no answers.

It reminded me, metaphorically, of my life in school, in university, and at work. I find myself trying to outdo other people. Trying to make gains at the cost of others when in fact it doesn't have to be that way. I've figured the best way to go about life is to set my own pace and compete with myself. That way less of my energy will go into dissipative channels. I'm a great believer in karma. What goes around, comes around. Nothing can stand in the way of a person who does an honest day's work. As Gandhi said, "He who acts, thinks and feels with God as his only witness has nothing to fear."

I want to be like that.

A Time for Change

Yet another day of introspecting has gone by and a new realization has dawned upon me (yes, how wonderful!). I've been in a state of unrest because I've been constantly thinking about what I should be getting when I should be thinking about giving. My focus has been too much on my self and my interests, just too much of me and I'm quite sick of myself. When I think about the happy times in my life, they are moments when I have completely lost myself in an activity. The problem now is that I think only about what I should get instead of doing what I should do.

I live in a country where 400 million people live on less that a dollar a day, millions go starving, few have a roof over their heads, fewer have any access to sanitation and even fewer have access to education. I have all of this and more, yet all I can think of is 'How can I get more?' Honestly, I'm ashamed of myself and my attitude.

Last night, I was reading the June issue of Reader's Digest. There was an article on Halle Berry's role in the rehabilitation of people suffering from diabetes and how giving has changed her life. That's what got me thinking about all this. That's why, it is a time for change, a time for a change in attitude, a time for renewal.

A beautiful quote I read yesterday goes like this, "To whom much is given, much is expected."

I'm not saying I'm going to be the next Mother Teresa or anything (actually I can't, I'm male) and be elevated to sainthood, but I'd like to do my bit and shake off this obsession with my self.

Something Amiss

I've been thinking a lot about what has been stressing me out lately and I've figured out one of the reasons. It's that I haven't been giving my best to everything I do. I was lying in bed last night, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. I realised I was annoying myself because of my laziness. When I do a bad, half-hearted job of something, deep down I know it's wrong, I know I haven't given my best and that's what kills me. I don't want to do a half-hearted job at anything anymore. I'm not saying I'll change overnight, but I really want to start taking up fewer things and do them well. The problem now is that I try and do too many things and do all of them half-heartedly. Now I've come to a stage where I'm saying to myself 'Enough of this shit.' I'm going to try and approach life with a new perspective, after all, as Mahatma Gandhi said 'Work is worship.' I want my work to be a labour of love, not a chore.

Your Seduction Style?

hey, I saw this interesting blogthing on someone's blog, check it out! find you're seduction style!!!! As you can see, I'm a natural ;)

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen. Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people. You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find! People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

God-damned Internet Connection!

This is like my third attempt at making a post on this blog! Twice I've been disconnected from the Internet only to find everything I have written has gone into some data-hungry electronic monster in my laptop!!!!!! AAAAAAArrrggghh! Once is ok. But twice!!!??? Shit on my face! Freaking ridiculous. I'm pissed.

Life's like that sometimes isn't it? You build a real nice house by the ocean and there's a freaking tsunami that comes flattens it the next day. Yup, shit happens.

Of Monsoons and Traffic Jams

The traffic-jam at 8 a.m. on Monday morning is an ominous sign of things to come. The gentle showers of the early morning seemed to have thrown traffic completely out of gear and the police had lost control. It was a free-for-all! I did get to office, eventually!

Let's hope things pick up at work. I have been gainfully unemployed over the past week wandering about the office project-less. Rumour has it that we 'free resources' will be re-assigned this week. I think I have had my fair share of shooting the breeze. Time to get on to some serious business.

The good part about the weekend was that it ushered in the monsoon. The city has a washed look and the trees look a vibrant green (atleast around where I live). I actually enjoyed my drive to work, despite the traffic jam. Cloudy skies, good music and a comfortable ride. What more can one ask for?

Oh by the way, I'm going to buy my mom a clothes dryer. It feels good to be able to give something back to my parents. Really excited about it!

It's Saturday!

Such a strange feeling to get up and realise there's no need to rush to work. There's a lazy feeling in the air and the best part is that the Mumbai Monsoon finally seems to have arrived. It's my favourite season, the monsoon. It's got that romantic feel to it. And the best part is the smell of the first rain, the smell of the wet earth. It's a rush! It reminds me of the new academic year at school, with the new school uniforms, spanking new school-bag and the rest of it. Best of all, it reminds me of the my days at Campion School, Mumbai.

The monsoons, for me, are a time to reminisce about the past and introspect. It has a special place in my mind and I'm sure fellow monsoon-lovers will feel the same.

It's begun to rain as I speak (or more correctly, type.) Time to get the umbrellas out! Woo hoo...

Hang on, why did I call the post 'It's Saturday'?

Check out this photograph of the fearsome clouds and the turbulent Arabian Sea on the Mumbai coastline.

My First Post!

Yup! My First Post. Such a huge moment. Well, not really, but's it's just fun to make a big deal out of nothing . This blogging thing is a bit exhibitionist isn't it? Just weird having random people reading about your experiences. But it's cool in a way. Will blog my way around. Over and out.